Pay Attention!
There are a million ways to look at anything, and sometimes the framing of the issue can suggest the solution. On the one hand, the reframing of “not paying attention” is helpful. If you tell your kids to get ready for school and they sit and stare blankly at the TV screen, they are, in fact, paying attention to something – the TV. But, as I pointed out in the comments, such things are generally easy to tell without asking the child, “What are you paying attention to?”
We aren’t, in fact, asking the child, “Will you please pay attention to something? Anything? Please?” We are asking them to obey our directions. We are asking them to set (or re-set) their priorities, make a plan, and follow through. And, usually, there is some time limit on the accomplishment. It does us no good for the kids to get ready for school on their own schedule.
I’m all for kinder, gentler child-rearing. And I’m all for finding ways to help parents keep their cool. But, I think, the follow-up to asking, “What are you paying attention to?” will be, “Stop paying attention to that right now – there are more important things to do.” Or some equivalent. And, in our time-driven world, that is exactly what children need to learn.
Of course, there are also times when parents need to have their adult world put on hold and see things from a kid’s view. Not so long ago, I watched the twins running in the park – arms outstretched, mouths agape, joy etched on their faces. How long had it been since I had run just for the sheer joy of movement? I don’t know. But I did that day. A little bit. Daddies just don’t have the endurance of two year olds.
Our run was interrupted by a solemn observance of a robin on the park fence. Hey, I’ve seen thousands of these things. At times, I’ve even considered them a nuisance. But Aaron thought it was worth several gushing sentences of toddler speak, complete with expressive shrugs and wavings of the arms. It reminded Joseph that he hadn’t kissed his Daddy in a very long time, so I got a sloppy one right on the ear when I bent down to his level.
Such things are wonderful, and I think they just might keep me from turning into a grumpy old man (okay, a grumpier old man). But there are times when running and birdwatching, and even kissing Daddy, just have to wait. The boys aren’t ready for a long discussion on priorities. They just need to know what needs to be accomplished – take a bath, go to bed, put on shoes (not in that order – usually).
Like most parents, I probably let my temper get the best of me too often and I yell. But knowing that the twins are paying attention to Pooh and Tigger rather than putting on their shoes isn’t likely to still that storm.
But, according to the all-important Facebook quiz, my deadly sin is Wrath. That kind of ticked me off. Which, I think, is an indication as to what I should pay attention.
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